"300" The ultimate, dream score, if your a bowler. Well can you imagine my surprise when I saw that number staring up at me as I stood upon the scale this morning. I was sick to my stomach just looking at it. Well, hold on, I guess if I have to be perfectly honest with you, Im not all that shocked, It has been extremely hard for me to move lately. A struggle for me to get up and walk up the stairs. I had to actually rock myself off of the couch the other day. So I guess I cant really say that I am surprised. I always knew that I was fat, I was just kinda playing dumb, acting ignorant to it all, I mean if I dont acknowledge it, it cant really be true right? , but when doing the simplest activities tire me out, I cant ignore it anymore. Hello, my name is Kathy, and Im FAT.
Can you imagine the strain I must be putting on my bones? My poor organs, can you imagine all the overtime they must be working?? NO wonder my blood sugarlevels have been out of control lately. I so need to find a new doctor and I need to get this under control before I kill myself. I have a lot to live for, there is so much I want to see and so much I want to do. So why I am slowly killing myself. I was thinking about how hypocritcal I must be. I work in the medical field, We are supposed to promote health and wellness and Im the most unhealthy person I know.
I feel so overwhelmed. I have to admit I am scared. I dont even know where to start again. But I can only hope that I stay with it this time. With your help and support, I can only pray that I never see this number again.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Thursday, March 1, 2007
I figured out what love has to do with it
Love
Infinite
Free-flowing
Energy
This is what I am striving for. Dont get me wrong. I want weight loss too, but I think for me the key will be in these things. I need to find love for myself, because that will motivate me to acheive all of my goals. And Im not talking about love from someone else. I need to love and accept myself for who I am and who I want to become.
Infinite
Free-flowing
Energy
This is what I am striving for. Dont get me wrong. I want weight loss too, but I think for me the key will be in these things. I need to find love for myself, because that will motivate me to acheive all of my goals. And Im not talking about love from someone else. I need to love and accept myself for who I am and who I want to become.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
past, present and future
I went to church today, and after sitting through the entire mass, I keep hearing these words from the gospel. "Leave the past to god's forgiveness, leave the present to his love and leave the future to his prophecies" Im not sure why, but I just keeping hearing those words over and over.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Why is it that you never really see how big you really are? Or I guess I should ask, Why didnt I realize I was as big as I am? Did I just go numb to my own reality? I was looking at some pictures, and I was totally in shock, I couldn't believe it.
Well, I've not been doing too horrible with my eating, I could be doing much better with my exercising though, I've signed up for this website www.sparkpeople.com and I love it. It has a nutrition and exercise tracker, food plans, message boards, recipes, etc, etc,. All this and the best part is that it is "FREE". Every other diet website I've looked at wants to charge at least $20 month. Anyways, I've been getting these exercises off of it, that I've been doing at work in between patients just some stretches and stuff. Its not much, but I'm trying to fit it what I can, when I can. Also I renewed my membership at the YMCA, and they have this aquarobics class that I really want to try.
Well, I've not been doing too horrible with my eating, I could be doing much better with my exercising though, I've signed up for this website www.sparkpeople.com and I love it. It has a nutrition and exercise tracker, food plans, message boards, recipes, etc, etc,. All this and the best part is that it is "FREE". Every other diet website I've looked at wants to charge at least $20 month. Anyways, I've been getting these exercises off of it, that I've been doing at work in between patients just some stretches and stuff. Its not much, but I'm trying to fit it what I can, when I can. Also I renewed my membership at the YMCA, and they have this aquarobics class that I really want to try.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Here I Am...
Okay, Here I am, Like it or not, Welcome to my life. I've been fat for as long as I can remember. I have certain memories, that just flash through my mind, however, I'm not going to depress myself by bringing those up right now.
I have a really big family, my parents had 10 kids, yes, thats right 10 kids, So I have 6 sisters and 3 brothers, not to mention 5 nieces and 3 nephews.
I used to not care about my weight, or my health. When ever some one would say something about it, I would always tell myself that I didnt care, I wouldnt live that long. I think sometimes that I had a death wish, because I knew it was unhealthy and that it lead to a whole bunch of health issues, but I didnt care. What did I have to live for? I was fat, who would miss me anyay? I would always joke that I was worth more dead than alive anyway, (I have a great life insurance policy through work). So I never bothered Dieting or Exersing because I just didnt care. That was until recently, when my neices and nephews made me wake up and see what I have to live for, I love those kids more than anything in the world, and they made realize how muh I wanted to have kids of my own one day.
Which brings me to my health issues, You see, I now have Diabetes as well as PCOS or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is basically a hormone imbalance that among MANY things, causes inferitlity, One of the first major things I have to do to combat these issues, is to lose weight.
So this is just a tiny bit of what brought me to this point in my life.
I have a really big family, my parents had 10 kids, yes, thats right 10 kids, So I have 6 sisters and 3 brothers, not to mention 5 nieces and 3 nephews.
I used to not care about my weight, or my health. When ever some one would say something about it, I would always tell myself that I didnt care, I wouldnt live that long. I think sometimes that I had a death wish, because I knew it was unhealthy and that it lead to a whole bunch of health issues, but I didnt care. What did I have to live for? I was fat, who would miss me anyay? I would always joke that I was worth more dead than alive anyway, (I have a great life insurance policy through work). So I never bothered Dieting or Exersing because I just didnt care. That was until recently, when my neices and nephews made me wake up and see what I have to live for, I love those kids more than anything in the world, and they made realize how muh I wanted to have kids of my own one day.
Which brings me to my health issues, You see, I now have Diabetes as well as PCOS or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is basically a hormone imbalance that among MANY things, causes inferitlity, One of the first major things I have to do to combat these issues, is to lose weight.
So this is just a tiny bit of what brought me to this point in my life.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Day Two
Well, today was not so bad, I started off real good, had wheat toast with peanut butter and a tangerine for breakfast. For lunch, I had a salad, with tuna fish, some carrots and sugar free jello. AND I went for a walk during my lunch break. Sounds good right?
Well the only problem with that was that I didnt eat enough carbs, and my sugar level dropped very low this afternoon. So I need to figure a fix this problem.
I did the Biggest Loser Video yesterday. I loved it. It really kicked my ass, and I sweated my butt off. But suprisingly I didnt wake up sore this morning, so YAY!!
Well the only problem with that was that I didnt eat enough carbs, and my sugar level dropped very low this afternoon. So I need to figure a fix this problem.
I did the Biggest Loser Video yesterday. I loved it. It really kicked my ass, and I sweated my butt off. But suprisingly I didnt wake up sore this morning, so YAY!!
Monday, January 1, 2007
Happy New Year
Well, Im sitting here @ 1:12 a.m. on January 1, 2007. My mind is racing, I dont even know where to begin. I am so excited about changing that I dont know quite where to start. I have joined The Biggest Loser Online Club, and the support on there has been amazing. I am also going to join a program at the YMCA. It is a program, where you meet with a dietician first and set up a meal plan, and then you keep food and exercise journals, that they review weekly at your weigh in, and they give you tips and recommendations. I figure the more support the better.
I bought this awesome scale today, It measures weight, body fat, and hydration level. It also keeps track of your goal weight and tracks your progress. Today was the first time that I've been on a scale in a long time. It was scary, but at least I know where I am , and it will only get better from here.
My ultimate goal is to lose 145 lbs. But I dont want to look at it that way, I need to focus on small things. My Goals for January are as follows;
1. Exercise at least 3-4 times a week.
2. Eat more fruits and veggies.
3. No eating after 6:00 p.m.
4. Drink more water.
5. Pack Healthy lunches daily
Seems simple enough, huh?
It will be hard to get up in the morning and make smart eating choices, considering that my kitchen is full of leftovers from the New Years Eve party. I tried to get everyone to take stuff home with them, but no luck there.
I bought this awesome scale today, It measures weight, body fat, and hydration level. It also keeps track of your goal weight and tracks your progress. Today was the first time that I've been on a scale in a long time. It was scary, but at least I know where I am , and it will only get better from here.
My ultimate goal is to lose 145 lbs. But I dont want to look at it that way, I need to focus on small things. My Goals for January are as follows;
1. Exercise at least 3-4 times a week.
2. Eat more fruits and veggies.
3. No eating after 6:00 p.m.
4. Drink more water.
5. Pack Healthy lunches daily
Seems simple enough, huh?
It will be hard to get up in the morning and make smart eating choices, considering that my kitchen is full of leftovers from the New Years Eve party. I tried to get everyone to take stuff home with them, but no luck there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
